When I Can't Get Out

One of the biggest causes of anxiety for me is any situation in which I feel I will be letting someone down, causing them to think less of me.  Usually this is just something I build up in my mind, and it goes like this...

"I'm about to tell 'Jane' that I can't be on that committee at school.  I can't do it because I'm on three other committees, I have some other obligations, and that means my plate is full.  I have to say no to something, and this is that thing.  She will be disappointed, and I will genuinely feel bad for being unable to help her.  She will not be pleased with me.  Perhaps she will even be angry with me.  Then she might go and talk to 'Sara' and let her know that I was 'unwilling' to help - and they will then *both* think less of me.  I cannot deal with that.  I can't bear to have that happen.  I'll just say yes so I can avoid that judgement.  I don't want them to think I am incapable of doing everything!"

I feel like I can't get out, and then I say "yes" to too many things. The result? I get overwhelmed, do a poor job in each of the areas I've obligated myself to, and feel depressed and anxious ANYWAY.

I'm learning to use "My Best Yes".  I read this book by Lysa Terkeurst - and it was wonderful!  Learning to take time to evaluate what I can, and cannot, commit to was something I needed to learn! Instead of having the "disease to please" make my decisions, I am now taking time to pray about these things, and decide whether it is truly in my best interest and if it is truly in God's will for me to be a part of a certain committee, event, etc.  It really has been freeing!  However, I still have to deal with the guilt, the anxious heart before I say no to something, and the feeling that I need to explain WHY I am saying no.

Just say a simple, ‘Yes, I will,’ or ‘No, I won’t.’ Anything beyond this is from the evil one. Matthew 5:37 NLT

So while I have a long way to go in perfecting this new skill, it is one that has a huge benefit.  To start I initially wiped my slate totally clean and started from scratch.  I asked myself which things needed to stay - like my local mom's group (Morning Out for Moms, a.k.a. MOFM).  I love that group, and I make it a priority to be there every week.  I love moms and kids, and because I get them, I want to be there for them.  I now serve on the committee, and I love it.  It's not stressful to me because it's already part of my weekly schedule, and it's WHERE my HEART is!  That makes me confident that God blesses me in that role, and therefore, it's a keeper.  Others had to be let go, some for good.  And that's okay too.  I have to admit I can't do it all, but I want to be GREAT in the things that I give my "yes" to!